When you live with depression, it affects you in countless ways. Often, you may not even be aware of how it’s affecting you. Unfortunately, its manifestations may seem normal. They just fade into the background as you reluctantly accept them as part of your illness.
If you’re in a committed relationship or marriage, depression usually affects this as well. As its symptoms engulf you as an individual, they radiate outward and affect the way you interact with your partner.
Knowing what this can look like is the first step toward improving your situation.
Conflict
While the symptoms of depression can vary from person to person, fatigue is often one of them. It can make you so tired that even simple things like folding the laundry or cooking supper seem like insurmountable challenges. Caring for children and going to work can also be overwhelming.
When this happens, your partner may have to pick up the slack. This can lead to conflict and frustration for both of you. Sadly, your partner may blame you for your symptoms. You may also blame yourself, which creates a difficult cycle.
Loneliness
Perhaps you and your partner used to love to travel together, share daily runs, or host gatherings at your home. Whatever you enjoyed doing together, depression may have caused you to lose your interest in these things. Your libido may also fall into this category. You wish you still enjoyed them, but you just can’t find the energy or interest.
As a result, both you and your partner may end up feeling lonely and frustrated. Your partner misses the old you and wants to stay active as a couple. You still want to spend time with your partner, but just want to stay home in your sweats and binge watch. This disconnect also makes you feel lonely.
Emotional Detachment
Beyond loss of interest in shared activities, depression can also cause you to feel very numb and emotionally detached from everybody, even those you are closest to. This happens even when there is nothing to cause this sense of detachment, such as infidelity or financial problems.
Because relationships need mutual emotional give and take to stay healthy, your partner may begin to feel discouraged and rejected. As you sense this, you may also feel an even greater distance. You might start to feel guilty and hopeless about your future together.
Unfortunately, as with all symptoms of depression, none of this is your fault. But it can be hard to move beyond it, and the problems grow larger.
Help for Your Relationship
Even if you feel like nothing can be done to decrease depression’s effects on your relationship, it’s important to know that isn’t true. Many couples have successfully navigated depression’s murky waters. It truly can be done.
An important first step is for you and your partner both to educate yourselves about what depression looks like. If your partner knows how depression affects you, they can take things less personally and know that you’re not being detached on purpose, for example.
It’s also vital that you be proactive about treatment for your depression. This often includes therapy, as well as medication and lifestyle changes. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Your partner may also benefit from individual therapy as a means of support during this time.
Couples therapy can also play an important role in helping you weather this storm. Your therapist can identify exactly how depression is affecting your relationship. Then, they can help you create a plan to remedy those effects.
If you and your partner are tired of letting depression get between you, please contact my office to discuss Couples therapy.